It's been 24 days since i first texted Mistress Lilith on FetLife and 22 days since our first Session in Malta. Today is the 14th day since i put on chastity every morning and take it off in the evening, sending reports to my Mistress.
i am Her slave. i am the slave of Mistress and Goddess Lilith.
i know we will meet in 37 days and i am preparing for that Session with excitement, longing, and anticipation, knowing that i will endure pain and suffering while my Mistress takes pleasure in my devotion and obedience.
What surprises me most is how often my thoughts return to Her throughout the day. Small decisions, daily routines, moments of frustration or temptation all become reminders of my commitment. The physical aspect is only a small part of it. What occupies my mind is the desire to please, to be worthy of Her attention, and to follow Her wishes faithfully.
Today i feel grateful. Grateful for purpose, for anticipation, and for the opportunity to learn humility, patience, and discipline while serving someone i deeply admire.

Today was a lesson in carrying a private burden through an otherwise ordinary day. Before leaving for work, i followed Mistress Lilith's instructions and prepared the nettle leaves and put them in my pants. Together with the chastity cage, they became a constant reminder of Her presence. What stayed with me throughout the day was also the awareness that i had chosen to obey. Nobody around me knew what i was carrying or why i was carrying it. Outwardly, it was an entirely ordinary working day. Inwardly, however, there was a quiet conversation taking place between duty and desire. Every time i felt tempted to seek comfort, i remembered the instruction i had been given and the simple fact that my role was not to decide when discomfort ended. My role was to endure it well.
Thirty-six days remain until our next Session. The anticipation grows stronger with each passing day and it shows when i take off the chastity cage.

Today was a lesson in discipline through anticipation. Mistress's instructions accompanied me from the moment i woke up. The delayed coffee was a surprisingly effective reminder that submission often begins with very small sacrifices. Before putting on the cage, i followed Mistress's instructions and applied toothpaste on my cock, which produced an intense cold-burning sensation that lingered long after it had been rinsed away. The metal cage, cooled beforehand, amplified that feeling. Throughout the day, the alternating sensations of cold, discomfort, pressure, and heightened awareness created a constant reminder of Mistress's control. The more aware i became of the combination of pain, frustration, and excitement, the more i found myself thinking about Mistress and the reason i was enduring them. The greatest challenge today was waiting. Knowing that Mistress had sent me picture i was not yet permitted to see occupied my thoughts throughout the day. The anticipation grew with every passing hour. When evening finally arrived and i was allowed to open the photograph while edging myself with the toothpaste on my cock, it felt like an explosion of admiration, desire, and worship that had been gathering strength with every hour of waiting. By the end of the day, i felt both exhausted and aroused, knowing that every moment of discomfort had been an act of obedience and devotion to my Goddess.

Today was, in many ways, a day of rest. Yet it was far from an easy day. Mistress made it clear that today's relative comfort would come at a price on Saturday. Knowing that created a curious state of mind. Instead of simply enjoying the respite, I found myself wondering what lessons, challenges, and sacrifices might still lie ahead. Anticipation has a way of turning even a quiet day into an intense one.
There was another thought occupying my mind as well. Throughout the day, I hoped that Mistress might grant me permission I had been longing for. Hours passed slowly. My attention drifted repeatedly to my phone. Each message notification made my heart beat a little faster. Then, in the evening, the message finally arrived: "You may ejaculate, slave."
The feeling was immediate. Relief. Gratitude. Joy. More than anything, I felt seen. Today reminded me that mercy can be just as powerful as discipline, and that a single sentence from Mistress can transform an entire day.

Today Mistress gave me a new assignment. i was instructed to make a small plug from ginger root, following the clear safety instructions She provided beforehand. Knowing exactly what to do and what to expect made me feel safe and allowed me to focus entirely on obedience. The experience was intense. The burning sensation appeared quickly and stayed with me after the task was over. At times it was uncomfortable, at times almost overwhelming, yet i found myself both strangely proud of enduring it and increasingly aroused as the day went on. All of it brought my thoughts back to Mistress and to my longing to obey, to please Her, to make Her proud, and to become worthy of Her attention, approval, and affection.
i was also happy to be back in chastity. Putting on the cage in the morning has become a meaningful ritual. And i must admit i had a quiet little joy in knowing that Mistress likes my pink cage.
Tonight i feel grateful. Grateful for the trust Mistress places in me, grateful for the lessons She teaches and grateful for the opportunity to experience submission not as a fantasy but as something that shapes my thoughts and my choices.

Life is a rollercoaster. Yesterday was filled with delight. i went to sleep knowing that Mistress had promised new instructions for my torture of longing in the morning. i woke up excited, eager to discover what challenge awaited me.
Morning came. Then afternoon. Then evening. Nothing. At first, i told myself that Mistress was simply busy. Then i began checking my phone more often than i care to admit. As the hours passed, excitement slowly turned into sadness, sadness into despair and despair into something much heavier. i found myself questioning everything. Had i disappointed Her? Had i failed in some way? Had i become boring, unworthy of Her attention, unworthy of the effort She had invested in me? By the evening i felt emotionally exhausted. it is remarkable how much influence one person can have over your state of mind when they occupy such an important place in your thoughts.
Then, when i had almost resigned myself to ending the day in silence, a message finally arrived. Mistress revealed that the silence itself had been the lesson. The waiting, the uncertainty, the longing, the growing desperation - all of it had been intentional. Knowing that my suffering had amused Her and brought Her pleasure changed everything instantly. The sadness disappeared. The doubts faded and in their place came relief, gratitude, and renewed hope. Once again, Mistress had demonstrated that She understood me better than i understood myself.
Tonight i go to sleep feeling lighter. Not because the longing is gone, but because i know that even in silence, Mistress is still teaching me.

Today Mistress gave me another challenge involving a ginger plug. This time i prepared it larger than before and was required to endure it for three minutes. The challenge proved significantly more demanding than the previous one. The sensations were immediate and impossible to ignore. i found myself powerfully aroused, not by the physical intensity itself, but by what i can only describe as an agonizing pleasure born from being completely under Mistress's control. Every second served as a reminder that this was Her decision, Her instruction, and Her will. There was something powerful in knowing that i had surrendered my choice to Her.
Today i also caught myself realizing how completely Mistress has occupied my thoughts. i wake up thinking about my Goddess. Throughout the day my mind returns to Her again and again. And at night She is the last thing i think about before falling asleep.
i miss Her deeply. Our next Session is now only 30 days away, yet that number feels both exciting and impossibly distant. i find myself counting the days, imagining the moment i will once again be in Her presence.
For now, i wait. i obey. And i think of my Goddess.

It has been a beautiful week.
As i write this final entry, i find myself looking back not at individual tasks or challenges, but at the journey they created together. A week ago, i thought submission was mostly about obedience. Today, i understand that it is also about anticipation, patience, trust, longing, discipline, self-reflection, and vulnerability.
This week taught me that Mistress has a remarkable ability to occupy both my thoughts and my emotions. Sometimes those thoughts brought excitement and joy. Sometimes they brought uncertainty, longing, and even despair. Looking back, i see a week filled with gratitude. Gratitude for Her attention, for Her trust, for the lessons She chose to teach, and for the opportunity to explore parts of myself i might never have discovered otherwise.
For now, all i can do is wait. Wait, think of my Goddess, and wonder what lies ahead. This week has left me feeling grateful, hopeful, uncertain, and longing all at once. The future feels strangely distant and impossible to predict. Perhaps that is part of the lesson as well. For now, i carry both anticipation and uncertainty with me, trusting that whatever awaits me will be exactly what Mistress intends. Thank You, my Mistress, i wish You a beautiful life.